26th May 2015

It's been 10 days now, and I haven't written a single word in my blogs, neither in my draft of the second book i am writing. I was trying hard to get through this phase and finally the engine has restarted. It isn't as smooth as it was 10 days before, but atleast I am able to type the words.

It all started last Saturday, our chemistry examination just got over and to celebrate the end of it, we decided to eat at Hindustan-One of the most famous spots in Varanasi for non-veg lovers (Actually, it was nothing like that, our mess was closed at Saturday, so we didn't have any other option except eating outside).

"You know, in Orissa, the non-veg is so much better than this." Biplav said while tearing the flesh from the leg piece of the roasted chicken he ordered. We all looked at him and smiled. His standards were pretty high when it comes to non vegetarian food.

"I bet you can't beat Lucknow when it comes to Chicken and Mutton." Sameer joined the conversation. He also can't keep quiet when it comes to food. He was from Lucknow, and he knew the heritage of the city. Indeed it was the city of the Nawabs , but according to him the city should be called as the city of the Kababs. I nodded in affirmation when everyone looked at me. I lived in Lucknow for 2 years, and i admit that the city has no match when it comes to food.

"You know, life would be so awesome if we had a bike, we don't have to walk down 3 kilometers from our hostel to get in here" I said to everyone.

"Stop complaining, there are many boys in our hostel who don't have a bicycle, atleast you have one" Ashish replied. He was always like this, His father owns a jewelry shop and he has loads of money in his bank account 24 x 7, so he didn't complained about anything. Sameer's father is a Businessman, and so was Biplav's dad. Everyone in my friend circle atleast have a bike or car in their house and what have i got? A LML vespa 2000 model scooter which does nothing except embarrassing me in front of my friends.

"You guys own one, that's why you don't need anything more" I defended myself. I was not saying that I was not happy with my life (although i wasn't), but i was not happy with the way i was living my life. Dad could easily afford a bike, yet he was very reluctant in doing so. 

  "There is nothing like that, be happy with what you got in life dude, You have more than enough. Try looking at someone who doesn't even have ample food to satisfy their hunger" Sameer said to me. He got a point, but I haven't met any of those people yet. Though I had seen beggars and homeless people, but they were not happy with their situation either.

"Whatever, when I will meet someone like that, i will look in their lives for sure...But until then let me complain" I said and laughed while we were coming out from the restaurant after having our meal.  As we were walking to the gate, I felt someone tugging my shirt from behind. I looked back and saw a little girl, nearly 10 years old with a handful of balloons in her hands. though she talked to me in Hindi and Bhojpuri but due to obvious reasons i am translating it in English.

"Bhaiya, please take a balloon" She said and stood up there with a liquescent smile, I had no option but to stop there. I told Sameer and other guys to wait for me at the gate. I turned back and saw the girl. I was feeling uncomfortable while talking to her standing, she was looking at me like if I am a giant or something like that.

"How much does it cost?" I asked the girl and bent on my knees to come to her height. She chuckled after looking at me. She was very adorable, with her smile spreading the aura of happiness all around.

"10 rupees" She said and untied a balloon from her bunch which she was carrying in her hands. I reached out to my wallet and took out a 50 rupee note and gave it to her. She looked at the money with a spark in her eyes, but suddenly the shine in her eyes was gone...just like a cloud goes without raining.

"I don't have money to return to you" She said in a low voice.

"That's okay, you can keep it" I replied to her and put the note in her hands. She looked at me for a while and then looked at the note which i put on her hands, she wanted the money, then why was she taking that much time to take it?

"No bhaiya, i won't take it...I am not a beggar" She said and handed back the money to me. I was astounded to see her attitude towards life. She was just 10 years old, her family is so poor that they were forced to send this little kid on roads to sell the balloons. I doubt that she was sure whether she would be able to have the food tonight or not, yet she decided not to take pity from anyone. Poverty does make you mature before you are supposed to be, I guess.

"I will take 5 of those" I said, put that note back on her hand and smiled after looking at that kid continuously. The spark which was lost in her eyes, suddenly came back. She was smiling once again. That heart-melting smile could make anyone happy. I was happy. She quickly handed me the balloons, clenched her little fist in which i kept the money and ran away. It felt strange, i had no use of those balloons but still those 5 balloons seems like a priceless asset to me now. I complain a lot- a lot about how my life sucks and how much my life would become easier if my parents were very rich but today when i saw this little girl, I looked up and thanked to God that whatever i am having, is more than enough for me.

"Thank you Big man, these are for you." I said while looking at the sky and released the balloons, it was mystifying, but kind of a good feeling. I walked with fast steps towards our college gate where all of them were still waiting for me.

"Where were you man?" Ashish asked me. He was irritated, he hated to wait for anyone. 

"Just met someone who taught me to live with no complaints" I said and looked up at the sky, the balloons were still there, going higher and higher, towards the BIG MAN there...

16th May 2015

"Naina Singh, you are beautiful" I said to her as i walked beside her, looking at her beautiful face. She was looking magnificently gorgeous today. There is one thing about the Indian girls- No matter from which part of the country they belong to or no matter how much they modernize their life style, but they always look alluring in Indian attire. I guess salwaar-suits catalyses the beauty quotient of girls many folds.

"Thanks" She looked at me, smiled and replied tacitly. She was still uncomfortable being alone with me. Though we had met before once, but that was months ago and at time there were friends around us. After that Facebook was the humdrum for conversing with each other. Late night chats became the everyday ritual for us now, we talk for hours over the internet and now we don't have enough words to initiate a talk while we were sitting next to each other. Social network does have its limitations.

"This is awkward" She said to me while we were eating masala dosa in VT cafe. It was awkward indeed, but it was not necessary to drum out that. 

"It is, but it shouldn't be" I replied. She was still looking at her plate while i was looking at the menu card. I wanted to look at her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes which was casting an alchemy to my heart. I tried to look at her once while she was busy devouring the food, but she probably noticed it and looked back at me, which resulted in an awkward eye-contact- not a romantic one, but the one you want to desist. I refrained myself from looking at her, reluctantly though.

"We have so much to talk when we are sitting in front of our laptop screens" Naina said, finally making an eye contact. I was still looking like a fool in front of her- just looking here and there nervously. She definitely has a point. It was me who asked her out which she hesitantly agreed. Now here i was, sipping frooti from the bottle silently like a complete pinhead. I was thinking of some idea, something that would break the ice between the two of us, but all my attempts were going futile. I randomly searched into my bag and took out my notebook and pen.

"I think we should go, this masala dosa is really disgusting" She said while I was still engaged in scribbling words in that notebook. She looked at me for a moment, shook her head, stood up and was about to leave when i held her hand and asked her to sit down. She looked at me like i had committed a grave sin by touching her hand. Girls are weird. Anyways i gave her the notebook and asked her to read it. She gave me a strange look and took the notebook and started to flip the pages. She started to smile after reading that. I drew a chat box in the notebook pages, one for me and other for Naina. She felt that we were more comfortable talking in chat boxes, so i drew two of them. Creative me

"Now i think we can talk" I wrote on the notebook.

"Definitely we can" She wrote back and returned the notebook to me. It was my turn now. 

"Did you really hated that masala dosa? I mean it tasted good" i wrote down and handed the notebook to her.

"It was awesome, but that's not what we came here for right?" She penned down her words and returned it to me. We did this for over two hours and it never felt awkward. Finally when we were done with the chatting (Actually i wasn't done yet...I wanted to talk more/write more, But she got a call from her mom so she stated that she had to leave) We left the cafe and walked towards the Campus bus stop.

"We should do this more often" Naina finally spoke something in 2 hours. For the past two hours we had all our conversations in written, so nobody felt the need to talk. Who says that girls are talkative? She was not.

"What? the chatting part?" I asked her while looking at her. For the first time i was able to make a full eye contact with her. She was breathtakingly beautiful indeed, I could have looked all day in her charming brown eyes.

"No, i don't think we need the chatbox anymore now" She replied with a smile. I kept looking at her.

"I enjoyed a lot today, next time I will order Rava dosa" She Whispered in my ear, smiled and climbed the bus. I was still under the spell of her enchanting voice and the aphasiac effect it caused on my voice box when she came near me so i didn't spoke a single word. She waved her hands to say bye and i just smiled in return. I was smiling not to acknowledge her sweet gesture of bidding farewell to me, I was smiling to imagine that there will be a next time too...and that too soon.

"Social Media does have its perks too" I said to myself and walked away from the bus stop.

13th May 2015

Sometimes have of your a sibling becomes the reason for your success, because you can share each of your secret with them, they will love you and support you at every us and downs of your life and sometimes having a sibling also becomes the reason for your insecurities and complexes, their huge achievements overshadows your little ones. Similar was the case of Sameer...he too was insecure of the success his younger brother was getting in such a short span of time. He didn't hated his brother...In fact Sameer was the one who always tries to sacrifice his needs for his little brother, but you know...sometimes it feels like you have restricted yourselves by giving wings to fly to them whom you love the most. He was not sad or jealous about his brother getting a job...he was just not happy.

"Chill bhai, and be happy...he is your brother after all" Ashish said to him, giving him the glass of tea and 'bun butter' with it. It was 1 at midnight and we were outside BHU gate in Lanka. It was the area we usually prefer during exams to relieve our stress...A cup of masala chai and bun butter at midnight is the ultimate remedy for any problem.

"I am trying to be happy, but i don't know why i am not able to...He is younger than me and he will be doing a job, earn a hell lot of money and what am i doing? eating bun butter with this chai while preparing for my first year college examinations...I am supposed to be an idol for him" Sameer replied and looked at us. we both looked at his glass of tea which was still full, Ashish snatched it from him... he truly doesn't care about the situation...but you know, sometimes not caring about the situation does help in getting over it. That certainly bought a smile on Amish's face... though for a short time.

"See your insecurities with your brother is like your sad mood, it will get vanished eventually, it just need some time" Ashish said and gave Sameer his glass back. I wonder how he could be so senseless and sensible at the same moment? His personality is definitely something which you can't judge from his actions. Sameer gave us a smile and walked through the BHU gate alone. We were still waiting there for his reaction.

"Let's go guys...it is pretty late now" He turned around and said. We thought that he will eventually get the point but now it seems like that we were wrong. Some things you can't fix by talking...May be you have to  give it some time.

At 3 in the morning, we were still awake...It was no big deal for us now. we were now adapting to what we call 'college life'. 

"I think I have to pee" Sameer  said and left the room. Biplav, Ashish and me were still waiting for his response to our discussion earlier where we all told him that he should at least talk to his brother...but he didn't replied at all. 

"I am going to call his brother" Biplav said and took his phone which was lying on the bed in his hands. he unlocked it and saw an unread message. He opened it and read it with a smile.

"He is a son of a bitch" Biplav said and showed us the message from his brother which was-

'Thanks bhai, it means a lot to me'

We opened the sent messages folder of his message box which has one message from Sameer delivered to his brother. We read it together and smiled in unison.

'congrats brother, you have made me and daddy proud of you. You are truly a role model for the family kids now. I am really happy for you. Love you' That is what was written in the message...

12th May 2015

Sameer picked up the phone in one ring.

"Hello" he said over the phone. over the next three minutes, we saw his facial expressions changing from Happy to excited to sad. Me and Ashish was still trying to figure out what was going on here and Biplav...Well, he was just lying on the bed, whispering on the phone while talking to his girlfriend in a language which we don't know...He called it Oriya language...but for us it seems like martian.

"I don't know about that, please try to..." Before he could complete his sentence, The call was disconnected from the other side. He just looked at his phone for a moment and then walked out of the room. Now this is a problem when you live a community life called 'hostel life'- you can't decide the line between things weather it should be shared or should be kept secret. similar situation was going on here. We weren't able to decide weather to ask Sameer about the phone call or not. We decided not to push the limits and left the idea.

After 5 minutes, Sameer came back into the room. We looked at him, he looked at us.

"It was a call from my dad" Sameer said.  I knew that ultimately he would spill out the stuff. He can't keep anything secret...he is too sweet for that.

"So, anything to be worried about? We saw you walking out of the room in a bad mood" Ashish asked Amish.

"My brother just got a job" Sameer replied in a low voice.

"Wow dude that's fantastic, Congratulations...You must be pretty happy" Biplav, who was talking to his girlfriend got up from his bed and patted on Sameer's back. He should be happy...after all anyone would be happy to see the success of their siblings.

"No, i am not" Sameer said and looked at all of us... Everyone went silent in that room.

11th May 2015

“Have you studied something?” Sameer asked Ashish, to which he looked at me and gave me a confused look. It was very unusual thing that Ashish was asked to answer… the ‘studying’ almost became an alien term for all of us. I gave Amish the same look

“I think i got my answer” Sameer said, face palming himself.

So, today Sameer, Ashish and Biplav were in the mood of studying botany…and me, Well…I didn’t studied much because i am a person who doesn’t run behind grades and all that stuff (who am i kidding, of course i love A grades…the thing is that i prepared my part before them).

“We are studying in one of the greatest university in India and still we can’t differentiate between intergenic and intragenic gene expression…something is wrong with the mindset guys…don’t you think?” Biplav said out loud. We looked at him for a moment, he looked us back…thinking that someone would join him in the conversation.

We all kicked him in the butt.

“Padh le chupchap” Sameer said to him. As he was about to say something else he got a phone call…

rest i will post tomorrow

10th May 2015

                                                  

Just to be clear...This pic has nothing to do with the post i am about to share with you guys, consider it as an advertisement for my upcoming book 'First love matters...so does the second'.... 

"Where the hell were you?" Ashish asked me in a sleepy tone as I entered in the room. It was late, around 3 AM in the morning and i was still unable to sleep...It became my routine now- actually it was the routine for all of us hostelers, when exams are near, we suddenly became nocturnal... Coffee became our source of life, cold water became the F5 button for us- one splash of it and we are refreshed. In short, when rest if the people in Varanasi wakes up, hostelers in BHU go to sleep.

"Are i just came from the toilet" I replied hastily.

"With a laptop in your hand?" Ashish asked me and gave me a weird look. I knew i had to tell him the truth now, there was no hiding now.

"I was talking with Naina" I replied to him. i don't know what happens to me when i see her name but some blood rushes to my cheeks every single time i hear 'Naina'. It was just mysterious.

"Dude its 3 in the morning, go get a life...So jaa chutiye" Ashish said to me. he has a very fragile sleep and he surely doesn't want to be disturbed during his 'Beauty sleep'. He was right in a way- i was surely awake with the rest of the guys in my hostel but i had not read a single word of the book from the past three days. My whole time gets spent talking to this extremely cute girl Naina. Now who is She?

Naina was not in my class...hell she is not even in my subject group, I have met her only a single time and after that we started chatting on Facebook...and believe me, Now i am kind of starting to get addicted with her only when i had met her once. I don't know what is going on in my life. I don't want to define this feeling- this is something unnatural, something which is not normal to me. I am a guy who just flirts around with girls and all that stuff, but with Naina it does not happen to me. Girls like Naina are not made for flirting, they are made for loving (courtesy: Ranbeer Kapoor from YJHD). But i don't think it is that...Neither i am in love with her, nor she feels something for me in that context (that's what i felt)...But there is something between us which is extraordinary.

"This girl is getting in your head" Ashish said to me while putting his legs on me. He gets too 'touchy' while sleeping i must say that.

"Surely she is" I said and smiled while looking at my laptop screen. there was a message from her saying 'Good night my multi talented friend'.

"Good night cutie" i typed, sent the message and logged out of Facebook.

P.S- dedicated to a 'special' friend

9th May 2015

                                                        

I was just going through the draft of my book when i saw this line...and it is indeed true. Things just seems so perfect when you are with the person you love, or with the person you want to see as your partner in a relationship.

First relationships are quite special- the eagerness to meet him/her, the much awaited phone calls at night...the ecstatic feeling when you hold each other's hands, the cursing to mobile companies for hiking the call rates and so on...you just love it all. So when the first love is so much 'perfect' then why is it so that only a small fraction of first time relations lasts long?

well, that's the answer i am looking for...if you have an answer, then write to me at www.facebook.com/vishalauthor 

8th March 2015

"Why do everyone thinks that hostelers never study?" Ashish asked me today while turning the pages of his geology notes.

"Because we don't" I replied and laughed, he didn't find it funny...i kept quite.

So the thing is that 6 hours from now, we would be sitting in examination halls, seeing the question paper, flipping its pages without a single clue of how to solve that mysterious thing. This was partially our fault...actually it was entirely our fault that we didn't studied this semester. We considered ourselves too 'smart' to study for the extra subject that we have to study this semester. I got Zoology, whereas Ashish got Geology- My one of the main subjects and same was the case with my extra subject i.e. Zoology- It was one of the main subjects for Ashish.

"I will help you with Geology and you will help me in Zoology and we will smack it" That's what we both agreed upon when we got our extra subjects allotted.

"Bhai, apna dekh le khud, mere lage hue hai yaha" That's what we both said to each other when exams were 7 days away from us. Mutual understanding, right?

"Biplav Shankar Samal is officially fucked up now guys" Biplav came to our room, saying it loud and holding his textbook in his hands which he tossed towards the bed the very moment he entered the room- He got Physics as extra subject.

"Welcome to the club" I said to him and gave him a high-five. That's the good thing about college life, you are never too freaked out to be happy. It feels great when you study for your exam, but it feels awesome when you don't...along with your friends. It was great, but our fourth gang member was missing.

"Where is Amish?" Ashish asked Biplav.

"Must be nibbling the books by now" I replied. Amish was one of the most studious guy in our group. He was the kind of student who sits on the front row and asks stupid questions about stupid things to stupid teachers. Too much stupidity i tell you.

"Ghanta" A voice came over from the door, it was Amish standing there, in his vest and shorts which was too loose for him to wear...it was kinda revealing type of outfit he wore today.

"We have to study from next semester" Ashish said in a serious tone while we were still thinking of the ways to pass this exam. Everyone nodded and affirmed his word for a moment...then everyone burst into laughter, Amish laughed so hard that he almost fell down from the bed. It was the ultimate sentence every student uses to deceive himself/ herself once he or she enters into a college. No one studies from next semester....AND THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF BEING IN A COLLEGE

7th May 2015

Love stories- some gets completed, others don't. Some are meant to be, some aren't. Today i felt that some people are meant to be together and some people are just...you know...too good to be together. I witnessed two incidents today which made me believe and rethink at the same time about the phrase- 'Love always wins'. If that is so then why One of my dear friend is about to break his newly built relationship? And if it doesn't wins then Why one of my other friend is about to celebrate her 6th year of perfectly going relationship?

"What a long relationship you had with Rahul, how did you manage 6 years with a guy and that too long distance?" I asked Vidushi, still amused by the fact that how she could love someone hundreds of miles away from her for 6 years with the same intensity.

"I didn't do anything, that is just fate" She replied, still blushing (i could assume it by her voice) like she is talking about her boyfriend for the first time. 

"You deserve a salute yaar, So any plans for the future?" I asked her indirectly about their future because one thing about her is that she is a Bhramin and Rahul being a Thakur, will face difficulties while marrying each other. 'Indian culture at its best'- don't you all agree?

"Yes, we will get married one day for sure, No matter what" She replied. This 'no matter what' is the only thing that separates an extraordinary love story from an ordinary one. With the bond they share in their relationship, i am sure that they will eventually get married one day.

"What happened between you and your girl Vishal, you were also a good couple?" She suddenly asked me about the thing i didn't wanted to talk about. Sure we were good together- i mean She was beautiful, Lovable and i was...well, too much away from her. That one year- the one in which i was in Lucknow and she was still in Haldwani, completely took out the 'charm' of our relationship. Long distance really sucks. i couldn't think more than "Aur batao" and "Khane mai kya khaaya?" and she wanted more than that. Ultimately we became so distant from each other that it became difficult for us to pat that distance.

"I didn't do anything, that is just fate" I replied to her, she didn't asked anything after that. We talked for some more time and then hung up. 

"I guess, love stories are meant to be completed" i thought in my mind but who knew i would have to re-think about that after 20 seconds- Amish came into my room after 20 seconds.

"What's going on CGBP?" I asked him.

"I have to let go of Dikshita" he said while looking away from me. Now he and Dikshita have recently started seeing each other and were perfect for each other. She was talkative, Amish was a good listener. She is Beauty with brains, So is Amish (just replace 'Beast' with 'Beauty'). She even splits the cost while eating and She calls him when they have to talk- everything that a guy would want in a girl...Dikshita has all of it. It started out casually but recently he admitted that he is falling for her. I thought that was a good thing so i asked her about the reason for doing this.

"She is from a different caste" He replied. Now that was shocking for me, to hear such ridicule from a well-educated, open minded person. 

"You must be kidding, right? You can't leave her because of this shit" I asked him, hoping that it would turn out to be a prank. I hated pranks, but i was praying at that time that it would be one.

"This is not shit, this is reality" he said

"In my opinion it isn't" I replied.

"But in This part of country, it is" He said, with a hint of frustration and regret in his voice. Sure he will regret his decision later on in his  life, but there is nothing he can do to change it. It was not his fault entirely, We are born in a country where if a is Maanglik, She will have to marry a tree...where if a boy have to marry a girl, She must have the same Jaat as the boy have, otherwise they would either have to run away or get abandoned from locality or even worse, get killed.

"But she is a nice girl, You will definitely not find any girl like that in your future" i told him, hoping that he would change his mind.

"I know, and i am not even going to try getting someone like her" He said, clearing the lump on his throat.

"You are doing a terrible mistake that you will regret your whole life" I said while looking at my laptop screen, thinking about Vidushi and Rahul, and how they stand together strong even after being from different castes.

"I didn't do anything, that is just fate" He said and walked out from my room...

6th May 2015

"Why the hell is your number not working? I was trying to call you but tera number nahi lag raha tha yaar" Pankaj said over the phone. He was one of those annoying best friends that God has blessed me 12 years ago. And the only excuse he made for not calling me over 3 months is that 'tera number nahi lag raha tha'- the most pretentious yet simple substitute for 'i don't give a fuck to what you have been up to'.

"Well, it is working for others" i replied, with a lot of causticness in my voice, he didn't sensed any of it. I was not surprised. Me and Pankaj were like that from the beginning. We do not regularly talk...hell, we don't talk for so long that we sometimes doubt that the other one is dead or alive. But nothing becomes awkward even if we talk after a year or 2- We still managed to start with 'haraami and asshole' as words of courtesy.

"Are leave that, you are coming to Haldwani for get together right?" He asked me. Now every year, our group comes to our hometown for sometime and organize a get together party, in which we have to basically show off about our college life and how it is so awesome and all that stuff. It was turning into a bore for me now so i thought i will pass this year.

"I am not sure about that" I tried to reject his invitation periphrastically.

"Now don't you dare to screw up the whole thing, It's been two years since we all have met together...This time i won't let it happen again. You are coming and that's it" He replied with lot of frustration in his voice.

"Last time was not my fault" I said and clarified the situation. The get together of 2014 was a nightmare. It was the time when everyone had finished something- some finished their first year, some even graduated by that time and i was still trying to get into a college. I was frustrated then, and therefore may have said something in a little high tone (actually i shouted at all of them in the middle of a road) regarding their college life.

"Leave all that, you are coming and that is final" He said and disconnected the call. Its strange how, in a matter of a year or two, some of your friends becomes  almost strangers after you pass out from school. Similar was the situation for me. Except for Pankaj, Nidhi, Sanjana and Vidhi, all of the other guys in our so called 'group' started to disappear from my life. It started with forgetting birthdays and finished with 'unfriending' from Facebook. I think it happens with everyone of us...We all start with making many friends but ultimately some of them gets too busy to have time for us, and with some the situation gets complicated (Crushes, love and all that). In short, our friend circle is like an unpolished diamond- It is bigger when unpolished, but when it comes under the blades of stress, complications and time, it gets smaller and smaller. but ultimately what we get is priceless.

'Ticket confirmed, thank you' I was reading this text and staring at my laptop screen for the past few minutes. Sure my diamond has become small by the time, and it may get smaller in future. But it is up to me to understand its worth and price...and having a boring 'get together' again with my few diamonds isn't that much of a big deal.

"DEDICATED TO ALL MY FRIENDS IN HALDWANI...YOU ALL ARE REAL GEMS OF MY LIFE"

5th May 2015

Sometimes in your life, there comes a day when you try to recollect all the events which happened on that particular day and try to find something special in that but you can't find it. Some days are just... so normal that it looks like something is, you know, Abnormal going on.

Today i was lying on my bed, thinking about what special happened today, that would be worth posting on the blog but Couldn't thought of anything...though we nick named Amish once more, now he has 5 of them. Nick names are common in hostel, and let me tell you...these are not regular nicknames, they are offensive ones. But you can't do anything in that...after all what are friends there for?

So as i was lying in my bed, swiping the menu of my phone clueless, i got a message on Whatsapp.

"Congratulations for your book" the message read. I could forget everything in this world...Maybe one day i will become so old that even i may forget to breath but one thing i couldn't forget is those 10 digits- that was her number. I was numb, i didn't know what to reply...It was just two words- 'thank you' that i have to type to reply to her message but I don't wanted to do that.

"Well, it's just a book" I replied. Sometimes i wonder how much melodramatic i am from inside. She may have moved on in her life but i don't know why i always wanted to see myself as a part of her life. 

"You are the stupidest guy i have ever met in my life" Nidhi always used to tell me this whenever i talked about her. But she too knew about the things that happened in the past so she wasn't pressuring me much into moving on. She knew i will take my time...after all, she was my best friend for past 7 years now. Yes, a guy and girl can be best friends without any complications. Well, she was right, i am stupid...My situation was like the Hero of the movie 'interstellar'. I was trying to go into a black hole after knowing that it would crush me. But some how i had a hope that there is something else than darkness on the other side of that black hole.

"I have read some of it, is it really about me Vishal?" She asked me once again.

"Its just a book" i replied and closed the chat box. I clicked on 'settings' and again clicked on something which led to a confirmation box saying 'are you sure you want to block this number?" 

I clicked on 'yes'.

There are some things you have to let go in your life. May be she was one of them. The hero of the movie survived the black hole and found the other side of it which was far more safe then the planet earth, But if he would let go of that black hole and live his life, i am sure that also wouldn't hurt much. i was relieved after letting that 'black hole' go...i am sure there is some other 'planet' made for me to survive.

"So, nothing special today...What are you planning to write in your blog?" Amish was standing on the door for a while. He asked me, he too read my blog now.

"Every day has something special CGBP (His nickname- Its full form is a mystery, and let it be)... You just have to wait till the normal things happen to you" I replied. He gave me a questionable look and finally walked away. 

4th May 2015

Ashish, Amish me and Sarweshwar were sitting in our room, discussing about the possible outcomes of their examinations which apparently, they screwed up.

"I will get KGMC for sure" Amish said after matching his answers with rest of the people in the room. he indeed is a brilliant kid, so brilliant that he got almost 60% of his paper wrong.

"I am sure you will" Ashish replied to him sarcastically and laughed, everyone in the room joined him along with Amish. You know, this is the beauty of Friendship- no matter how much you fail or succeed in life, your friends are always there with you, to share a laugh at least. Anyways Amish knew that he wouldn't make it to medical, he never was interested in wearing that white Coat and wearing a stethoscope around his neck...He was more of a businessman type of guy.

"I also give up now" Said Sarweshwar after a brief moment of silence. He was desperately trying for the last 5 attempts, but now he realized that this was the time to let it go.

"So, no medical remaining in our list, what do you want to become" Ashish asked, breaking the silence in the room.

"Since i never wanted to be in this field, i will go for MBA" Amish replied.

"I will go for UPSC" Sarweshwar added to the conversation.

"What about you?" Amish asked me. Now he knew that i was going to answer this question in a very diplomatic way. i was not clear about what i was going to do in my life...i never was. As i was thinking about the ways to switch the topic we got a knock on our door. It was Saumya- the guy who could tell your future by looking at the lines of your palms (as described by other guys of the hostel). Now i knew him because he was part of first year cricket team of B.Sc which i was lead and lost.

"What's up guys?" Saumya asked us in his typical Oriya ascent. 

"Hey Saumya, tell his future yaar, he is very uncertain about it" Sarweshwar clutched my hand and kept it in Saumya's hand. Now he and other guys knew that i am almost semi-atheist (Means i do believe in a supreme power that governs us, but i am not much into all of the Pooja-paath stuff) so they wanted to prove that there is someone who could tell you how long you will live by just looking at some lines made up of some proteins in our body.

"I will try, let me take a look" Saumya said and twisted my palm in every possible manner to see my hand rekhas.

"Well, i think you have low confidence, you will have an arrange marriage, you will not study more than post graduation, and you will earn a hell lot of money" He said after examining my hand for almost five minutes...it started to get sweated by now.

"How could you tell that?" I asked him, trying to find the logic in his words although the money earning thing made me happy and forced to believe in it for quite a few seconds.

"I am not telling you, it's in your Grah dear" Saumya said, smiled and nodded his head in disappointment like some foolish question was asked to him by some foolish person. I was still trying to figure out that how could a huge celestial body, orbiting around a star and millions of miles away from us, could affect our lives. They are not supposed to exert any force on us to affect our lives except one force- which is gravitation, and that too is negligible.

"So, according to this logic where you claim that the future of a person lies on his hands...a person with no hands should't have any future ahead of him, right?" I asked him. Though i didn't wanted to hurt him, but i wanted a logically correct answer of the question.

"I don't know" Saumya was speechless like everyone else in the room, though Amish supported a little bit during the entire conversation.

"Think about it" I said and resumed my game on my phone. As he was about to exit from the room, i called his name and he looked back.

"I will study till my PhD, will earn whatever i deserve, and will definitely find the love of my life because i have such high confidence level that sometimes it becomes over-confidence" i said and chuckled upon hearing my own words. 

"I am sure you will" Saumya replied to me in the same sarcastic way as Ashish replied to Amish a few minutes earlier, smiled at me and left me thinking about the reality of depth of Astrology.

3rd May 2015

AIPMT- All India Pre Medical Test, something every biology stream student wants to crack and get admitted to a medical college. Everyone in my hostel is anxious, worried about what will happen today. Today will be decided weather 365 days of hard-work and efforts (this effort thing is written only for some guys) and ass rubbing will pay off or not. Many of my buddies over here are giving that examination just for fun...well, to be frank they started out pretty serious about getting into medical college. Some even studied for more than 10 hours a day...but it only lasted for some months, half a year max. Almost all of them eventually gave up. Some people got 'busy' in their college lives...others got a girlfriend. But some of them like Yash, Aman and Biplav were still fighting. they all were like Leonardo De Caprios of Student world- Are excellent at studies...but still waiting to get into a medical college. I always wondered that what is it behind engineering and medical professions that everyone wants to go after it?

I asked Aman once that "Why you wanted to become a doctor?" 

"To earn money... and to get izzat" He replied. That reply of him left me thinking that how is it that if we become a Teacher or Scientist or Accountant our level of izzzat becomes way more less than that of a doctor or an engineer? Aren't other jobs out there Izzat-daar enough to survive in the society? May be the answer lies deep within the roots of Indian Parenting where if you take Science as a study option, then only you are intelligent, otherwise Commerce and arts are for students who are relatively less intelligent. If you want to become an engineer or a doctor, your parents feel proud...but if you are pursuing graduation then the only thing you get to hear is

"Beta graduation kyu kar rahe ho? kahin competition mai selection nahi hua kya?" Some random aunt always asks this question to intensify the situation Bhale hi unka ladka is giving compartment examinations of 12th standard.

there is definitely wrong with the way we look at our career options and we have to change it as soon as we can, otherwise the country will soon be flooded with engineers and doctors but no professors, cooks, accountants, scientists and other professionals... 

2nd May 2015

Yesterday was my birthday and as expected, she didn't called. Anyways it was not that much of a pain for me because of a thing called examinations which every student in the world fears- no matter how much talented they are. i am having my examination today and here i was, eating 'chicken kali mirch' with Ashish and Biplav.

"We are going to get fucked tomorrow" Ashish said while tearing the roasted flesh   of the chicken with his bare hands. 

"Indeed we ARE, so let's concentrate on this chicken" Biplav replied. He was in no way affected by the stress of the examinations. he was used to it...when you have a brilliant mind, you can cope with almost any stress situation, and he was a brilliant kid. He didn't just wanted to be a guy doing some shitty job in an office cabin just after graduating. after all, you don't often see a student leaving engineering to pursue chemistry honors. indeed i was surrounded by some of the most brilliant minds of this country who were just busy eating chicken then.

"You should try some" Ashish asked me to join them but i refused. i was busy thinking something else. Mom and dad have arrived here and i was not able to spend time with them because i told them i had to study for my exams. and what was i doing? seeing my roomie and my friend eating chicken like cannibals and laughing at some weird sentences. i was wondering what has happened to me in the recent years? am i getting emotionally away from my family? Though i was happy to see them, but i was not that 'happy' when you see your mom and dad after half a year. Maybe that was because i am tensed about my exams, maybe it was because i don't want to behave like a small kid anymore...after all, i just completed my teenager phase a day ago.

"I will spend my whole day with them tomorrow" i said to myself and as i was thinking this, i got a call from dad.

"Hey dad"

"Hey son, we are leaving tomorrow morning...your mom is getting bored in here" He said over the phone. his voice sounded disappointed, disappointed with me, that i couldn't spend some minutes with them in spite of knowing the fact that they traveled more than 900 Km just to see their son.

"Okay dad, as you wish" i replied. there was a deep silence for a long, almost infinite second.

"I can come to drop...." before i could complete my sentence, the call was disconnected. 

1st May 2015

Today was the day i was supposed to be happy... i was supposed to be full of zeal, full of excitement about my birthday, but i was not. Though i never wanted my past to haunt me but this is one thing you can't control...No matter how much you have moved on in your life, there will be always a void made by that person whom you considered 'special' way back in your life. As i was thinking about her and wondering what she would be doing by now (I haven't talked to her since 5 months for now), i got pulled out from my dreams by a tight kick on my butts...it was a fierce kick. before i could sense who had done that, i was attacked by a group of people kicking and slapping on my back mercilessly. it was painful, and dark. i was trying to speak but i couldn't due to two reasons:

1. it was the birthday bums i was getting, so i have to remain silent.

2. if i had said anything, i would be getting more of that for sure.

later on after cutting the cake, i got some calls from my Haldwani friends whom i was still in touch with. it was relieving that in this world where one does not even have time for calling their parents, someone calls and wishes you. but somewhere down the list of call logs of first may 2015, i was genuinely hoping to see a name. i wanted to see her name flashing on my phone screen and waiting for me to answer,  and this time...i will pick it up at the right time. but all this was ultimately a mere assumption of my idle mind...i was almost sure that wasn't going to happen..but according to a theory of Stephen Hawking...somewhere in a parallel universe, she would call me and will say to me -- "Happy Birthday to you Vishal"...